I've finally had a chance to tally up the top ten best-selling sauces and seasonings in specific product categories (hot sauces, BBQ sauces, snacks, gift sets, etc.) for 2010 thus far, and all twelve lists have now been updated at the Carolina Sauce Company online store. Here are some of the highlights, as well as links to each of the lists for your reading (and tasting) pleasure:
*Best-Selling Hot Sauces: Fans of the Naga Jolokia "Ghost Pepper" (also called Bhut Jolokia), the world's hottest pepper, have been snapping up bottles of Dave's Gourmet Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce at a frightening pace, and as a result this ultra-hot hot sauce currently sits in 10th place on our list of best-selling hot sauces
*Best-Selling Barbecue Sauces: The very first product we stocked (and also one of my personal favorites) is currently our top-selling BBQ sauce -- Jim's Own Homestyle BBQ Sauce, a deliciously tangy and slightly sweet Piedmont NC style (vinegar & tomato) barbeque sauce from Durham NC that's great with pulled pork BBQ and also as a marinade & basting sauce (and it comes with FREE recipes!)
*Best-Selling Marinades & Dressings: I guess the Caribbean and other warm, exotic destinations have been on the minds of many of our customers this winter & early spring, because several tropical sauces are currently on this this best-seller list, including Tortuga Mango & Ginger Stir Fry Sauce (in 6th place and on sale!), and the island-style Tortuga Spicy Seafood Grill Sauce (in 8th place and on sale!)
*Best-Selling Rubs & Seasonings: One of our newest BBQ rubs, Bone Suckin' Hot Seasoning & Rub, has made an impressive debut at 10th place on this list and features the same savory-sweet flavor of the original Bone Suckin' Rib Rub but with lots more peppery fire
*Best-Selling Salsa & Relish: Our very own NC-made Hot Chow Chow and Mild Chow Chow are currently book-ending this list in 1st and 10th place respectively -- and for each jar sold, we donate $1 to Operation Sauce Drop, our nonprofit program that sends free gift boxes of sauces to our troops stationed abroad!
*Best-Selling Jerks & Curry: Made in NC by a Jamaican ex-pat, Pluto's Certified Organic Mild Jerk Sauce is presently in 8th place, and delivers authentic Jamaican jerk flavor with only a touch of peppery heat -- and it comes with FREE recipes and is on sale, too!
*Best-Selling Mustards & Ketchups: A Wilmington NC original with a scrumptiously rich, spicy flavor, Trolly Stop Hot Mustard Sauce has started off 2010 well and currently occupies the 10th slot on this list
*Best-Selling Wing Sauces: One of the hottest Buffalo wing sauces on the market (and the hottest one we carry) is the award-winning, ultra-hot DEFCON 1 Extreme Heat Wing Sauce, and it's presently our tenth best-selling wing sauce
*Best-Selling Gift Sets: Two of our most popular gift sets of all time now feature new selections of sauces and currently sit in first place (our Mild NC BBQ Sauce Gift Set) and eighth place (our Hot NC BBQ Sauce Gift Set) respectively, and both come with lots of FREE recipes!
*Best-Selling North Carolina Products: For the first time in ages (over a year, I think), we have a new number one on this list!! That's right, a different NC product has dethroned Castle Sauce as our best-selling NC product. What is the new #1? You'll have to read the list to find out :-)
*Best-Selling Snacks & Sweets: One of my favorite sweet treats is the sublimely good and addictively delicious Lilly's Gourmet Maple Butter, which is on sale and sits in 10th place on this list -- and makes a terrific Mother's Day gift!
*Best-Selling Steak Sauces & Pasta Sauces: I'll highlight two richly-flavored and dramatically different sauces for this last but not least list: The old-world-style Santo & Josie Tomato-Eggplant Pasta Sauce (in 6th place and on sale!) that's made by a Sicilian family living outside of Charlotte NC, and the aptly-named and intriguingly delicious Marie Sharp's Exotic Sauce (in 8th place and on sale!) from Belize that's wonderful as a tropical steak sauce and all-purpose condiment.
If you're looking to shake off the boring winter food blues, there's no better way to do so than by waking up your palate with any of these wonderful best-selling sauces and seasonings!
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Carolina Sauce Co. Three Pepper Hot Sauce
After a long search, we finally found a North Carolina hot sauce that met all of our criteria to bear the Carolina Sauce Company name: High-quality all-natural ingredients, peppery fire that's spicy-hot but won't burn out your tastebuds, and a versatile food-friendly flavor that will complement and enhance your food instead of overwhelming it or changing its flavor. With no further ado, I'm pleased to introduce to you our Three-Pepper Hot Sauce from the Carolina Sauce Company! Made by hand in small batches on a family farm in the Piedmont region of NC, this tasty hot sauce features an intriguing blend of jalapeno pepper, cayenne pepper and black pepper in a subtly sweet and tangy vinegar base. But this is not your run-of-the-mill, one-dimensional vinegar pepper sauce from your grocery store. No, this baby packs a hefty peppery wallop that will announce its presence with authority but then mingle quite pleasantly with the natural flavors of your food, becoming the life of the party on your palate. Unlike super-hot hot sauces, Carolina Sauce Co. Three-Pepper Hot Sauce lets you enjoy bite after spicy bite without numbing your tongue. So if you are ready to move up from tamer hot sauces like Texas Pete, Frank's Red Hot, Tabasco and other commercial brands, or if you appreciate a good all-purpose hot sauce with real flavor, then our Three Pepper Hot Sauce is for you.During my research for just the right hot sauce to bear our company name, what really sold me on this 3-Pepper Hot Sauce was its versatility (as well as its all-natural ingredients). You really can use it on pretty much any sort of non-dessert food, either at the table or in a recipe. Greg and I have been having a blast in the kitchen playing with this hot sauce in a variety of recipes, and trying it at the table on all sorts of savory dishes. Here are just a few of the many ways you can enjoy our Three-Pepper Hot Sauce:
*With breakfast foods including scrambled eggs, omelets, frittatas, hash browns, sausage, biscuit sandwiches, quiche, etc.
*In sandwiches, subs, wraps, burritos, and on pizza and burgers
*As a marinade (or in a marinade) and splashed on grilled foods including meat, chicken, sausage, fish & seafood, shrimp kabobs, grilled portabellas & other veggies
*In ground meat recipes including burgers, meatloaf, meatballs, sloppy joes
*In stews, hearty soups, baked beans and chili
*As a seasoning condiment for side dishes including roasted veggies, skillet potatoes, collards and other greens
*As a spicy-hot eastern NC style vinegar-based barbecue sauce for Carolina pulled pork BBQ (makes a great substitute for Ole Time Hot Sauce, which is currently out of stock at the manufacturer level, and a mellower alternative to Scott's BBQ Sauce)
*To add heat to stir-fry recipes and Mexican, Tex-Mex, and Southwestern dishes
*In Bloody Marys and homemade cocktail sauce
*If you're a fan of Zing Sauce and just wish it had more heat, simply combine some Zing with our Three-Pepper Hot Sauce!
*If you're a fan of Durn Good Hot Sauce but want to tone down the tartness of its vinegar base without dulling the heat, simply blend some Durn Good with our Three Pepper Hot Sauce!
Carolina Sauce Co. Three-Pepper Hot Sauce comes in a large 12-oz bottle, which is more than TWICE as large as your everyday 5-oz hot sauce bottle -- and it's currently on sale for only $4.99, which is cheaper than most 5oz hot sauces! And did I mention it's all-natural, and hand-crafted too? Try a bottle today, and let me know what you think!
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Saying Farewell to Smokin' Cole's BBQ Sauce & Rub
I learned the sad news earlier this week that the makers of the award-winning Smokin' Cole's BBQ Sauce and Smokin' Cole's BBQ Dry Rub had closed their business, and that their delicious sauce and seasoning rub were no longer available. What a shame, as these were outstanding products that had garnered national accolades and a growing fan base in the few years that they were on the market. But unfortunately this has been a very tough economy on small, family-run food businesses, and Smokin' Cole's is the latest casualty.
If you were lucky enough to have enjoyed these great products while they were available, I know you will miss them and will join me in wishing all the best to the good folks who made them.If you're going through Smokin' Cole's withdrawal and would like to try something similar to their bold, rich barbecue sauce and zesty BBQ rub, here are my recommendations:
*Outta the Park BBQ Sauce, an award-winning, all-natural tomato-based barbecue sauce from NC that's rich, flavorful and finishes with a pleasantly peppery kick (and it's currently on sale at the Carolina Sauce Company)
*Dem Bonz BBQ Sauce, also made in NC, and featuring a big, bold flavor in a thick and tangy tomato base with just the right amount of spice
*Uncle Pete's BBQ Sauce from South Carolina, with an award-winning robust tomato flavor that's subtly sweet & tangy -- available in 3 flavors (Original, Hickory & Spicy) and each comes with FREE recipes when you order from Carolina Sauce
*Bear-Man Tummy Rub from upstate NY, with a mouthwatering sweet-savory flavor and a FREE recipe brochure when you order from Carolina Sauce
*Texas Rib Rangers BBQ Seasonings, authentic Texas barbecue dry rubs for ribs and other meats, available in Original and Spicey.
If you miss your Smokin' Cole's, I hope you'll give one or more of these sauces and seasonings a try. And drop me a note to let me know what you think of them!
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Bone Suckin' Poultry Seasoning & Rub
Bone Suckin' Poultry Seasoning & Rub is a lighter blend of the original Bone Suckin' Rib Rub that features flavor notes of sage and garlic. This bright and savory, subtly sweet and all-natural seasoning is the ideal complement for chicken, turkey, cornish hen, game birds and other poultry. Just like the original Bone Suckin' Seasoning, Bone Suckin' Poultry Seasoning is fat free, gluten free and has no MSG -- plus it really is bone-suckin' delicious -- and is therefore ideal for the whole family. Bone Suckin' Poultry Seasoning & Rub certainly lives up to its name, but don't limit its use to just to birds. It adds great flavor to tuna salad, chicken salad, and even potato salad, and its lighter flavor also works quite well on fish and seafood. Add it to melted butter or simply sprinkle on grilled, steamed or broiled vegetables. Heck, you can even use it on pork (the "other white meat") or stir into mashed potatoes. It's also a natural choice for seasoning raw ground turkey or ground chicken for making succulent burgers. In short, Bone Suckin' Poultry Seasoning & Rub is a wonderfully versatile seasoning to keep in your pantry or by your stove. And if you're counting carbs or keeping Kosher, you you'll be happy to learn that this seasoning rub has only 1 carb per 1/2 tsp serving and is Kosher certified. Order this tasty new seasoning, and the other flavorful Bone Suckin' Seasonings & Rubs, from the Carolina Sauce Company.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Friday, April 9, 2010
Joe Bud's Everything Sauce wins Gold Medal!
Joe Bud's Everything Sauce, an all-natural mustard-based BBQ and basting sauce that's made in North Carolina, recently won the Gold Medal for the best sauce in the Bar-B-Cue, Glaze & Marinade category at the 2010 World Wide Mustard Competition! This international competition is in its 17th year and featured over 300 entries from all over the world. The official judging was conducted by a "blind" panel of food critics and chefs and was hosted by the National Mustard Museum in Middleton, WI. The awards ceremony was a black-tie event held at the Black Stallion Winery in Napa, CA as part of the annual mustard festival held in Napa.
Joe Bud's Everything Sauce was developed by Joe "Bud" Johnson from a 50-year-old family recipe originating in South Carolina. Although now made and bottled in NC, Joe Bud's Everything Sauce is true to its South Carolina roots, with a rich and tangy mustard base that complements everything from pork and beef ribs to pulled pork to chicken and even seafood and veggies. The Original version sports just enough spice to keep things interesting without adding heat, while Joe Bud's Hot Everything Sauce (a 2004 Scovie Award winner in the Hot American Style Bar-B-Cue Sauce category) adds hot peppers to the original recipe and is sure to please fans of fiery foods. You can order both award-winning versions of Joe Bud's Everything Sauce from the Carolina Sauce Company.Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Thursday, April 8, 2010
What's Going On At Carolina Sauce?
If you're one of my regular readers -- and many thanks if you are! -- you might be wondering what's going on, given that I haven't posted anything for a couple of days and haven't been writing as frequently as I usually do. Then again, maybe you haven't noticed. But if you've been wondering what's happening here at Carolina Sauce Company, the good news is that all is well... and the better news is that I've been really busy working on some neat stuff, including our very own brand-new hot sauce, which will soon be available for you to enjoy! Greg and I tried a sample last night on venison burgers, and in baked beans, and on sausage too, and we are very excited about how tasty and versatile our new sauce is. We have a feeling that it's going to be fantastic on pulled pork barbecue, and can't wait to try it that way. We're taking a bottle with us for our pre-game tailgating picnic (we're going to the Carolina Hurricanes game tonight), to try it on a bunch of other food. So stay tuned for a new product announcement soon, along with my review of our tasty new hot sauce!
Other exciting projects currently in the works include the first 2010 update of our category-specific best selling products lists, quick & easy & delicious recipes, new coupon specials, the next edition of our FREE eNewsletter featuring an exclusive Spring sale, and more new products for 2010. So don't worry, I'll have plenty to write about soon! Thanks again for reading my blog.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Other exciting projects currently in the works include the first 2010 update of our category-specific best selling products lists, quick & easy & delicious recipes, new coupon specials, the next edition of our FREE eNewsletter featuring an exclusive Spring sale, and more new products for 2010. So don't worry, I'll have plenty to write about soon! Thanks again for reading my blog.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
Monday, April 5, 2010
Operation Sauce Drop is Back in Business!
US troops serving abroad can once again receive a free taste of home through Operation Sauce Drop, a nonprofit program that lets servicemen and women select a free gift box of flavorful to fiery sauces from the Carolina Sauce Company. Thanks to the generosity of donors and folks who shop to support Operation Sauce Drop, we once again have enough funds in the program to resume accepting requests from our brave troops serving overseas. The troops greatly appreciate the program, as you can see from their thank-you notes to donors and photos.
Want to send a little taste of home to a soldier, sailor, Marine, airman or guardsman serving far from home? Donate to Operation Sauce Drop or shop to support OSD, where a portion of the proceeds from your purchase go directly into the OSD fund. It typically costs $20 to $25 to fulfill a gift box request (purchase the sauces at wholesale and ship via USPS Priority with insurance), and historically gift box requests quickly outstrip the pace of donations. Want to help us keep the program going? Then please make a donation in any amount -- or treat yourself to some tasty sauces and seasonings while supporting the troops when you shop to support Operation Sauce Drop. The troops and I thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
PS: Want to find out more about Operation Sauce Drop, including how I was inspired to start the program? Simply search this blog for "Operation Sauce Drop" to read more!
PPS: If you're in the military and are stationed at an APO or FPO address, and would like to receive a free gift box of sauce, here's where you can select a gift box. Thank you for your service!
Want to send a little taste of home to a soldier, sailor, Marine, airman or guardsman serving far from home? Donate to Operation Sauce Drop or shop to support OSD, where a portion of the proceeds from your purchase go directly into the OSD fund. It typically costs $20 to $25 to fulfill a gift box request (purchase the sauces at wholesale and ship via USPS Priority with insurance), and historically gift box requests quickly outstrip the pace of donations. Want to help us keep the program going? Then please make a donation in any amount -- or treat yourself to some tasty sauces and seasonings while supporting the troops when you shop to support Operation Sauce Drop. The troops and I thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
PS: Want to find out more about Operation Sauce Drop, including how I was inspired to start the program? Simply search this blog for "Operation Sauce Drop" to read more!
PPS: If you're in the military and are stationed at an APO or FPO address, and would like to receive a free gift box of sauce, here's where you can select a gift box. Thank you for your service!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Top 10 Best-Selling Sauces & Seasonings for March 2010
We had some surprises last month on our list of top ten best-selling sauces and seasonings across all product categories at the Carolina Sauce Company, not the least of which was the dethronement of our regular #1 best-seller (which fell to #5 last month). Keep reading below to see which products finished on top for March 2010:
1. One of our most popular hot sauces, Matouk's West Indian Hot Sauce, accomplished quite a feat last month when it finished as our top selling product across all types. This is the mildest (on the heat scale) of the Matouk's hot sauces, and features sweet ripe papaya as its main ingredient, to help tone down the heat from the fiery scotch bonnet peppers used in all Matouk's hot sauces.
2. Our overall best selling Jamaican jerk product, Walkerswood Traditional Jamaican Jerk Seasoning, finished in 2nd place last month. This aromatic, spicy wet rub or jerk paste is a staple in Jamaican kitchens and is perfect for making authentic Jamaican dishes.
3. Matouk's Calypso Sauce, a thick and rich scotch bonnet sauce from Trinidad & Tobago, was the third most popular product for March, and is a great way to add tropical flavor and fire to virtually any savory dish.
4. George's Original BBQ Sauce is a tangy, vinegar-based barbecue sauce from eastern North Carolina that's ideal for Carolina pulled pork BBQ as well as for marinating -- and it comes with 2 pages of FREE recipes!
5. In a rare drop in position, our all-time best-selling product, Castle Sauce, fell to 5th place for March 2010 -- but don't be surprised if this classic steak & sandwich sauce from Greensboro NC ends up back on top again!
6. Scorned Woman Hot Sauce, a fiery-hot vinegar-based hot sauce that's been around forever, came in a very respectable 6th last month.
7. Jim's Own Homestyle BBQ Sauce is a Piedmont NC style (vinegar & tomatoes) barbeque sauce from Durham that's great with pulled pork as well as ribs, chicken, and more - and it comes with FREE recipes!
8. Another North Carolina original, Capsicana Zing Gourmet Sauce, is a flavorful, subtly-sweet & tastefully tangy all-purpose spice sauce for the table and the kitchen, and it also comes with FREE recipes!
9. Our all-time best-selling barbecue sauce is Wells Hog Heaven BBQ Sauce from Burgaw, NC. This traditional eastern NC sauce is made with vinegar and spices (no tomatoes) and makes a great marinade as well as a condiment for collard greens, fries and hush puppies -- and of course it's essential for making real NC pulled pork BBQ!
10. Completing our list of the top ten best-selling products for March 2010 is Buderim Ginger Bears, an Australian gummy bear candy made with real ginger.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
PS: We will soon be updating each category-specific list of Best-Selling Products to reflect the current standings for 2010.
1. One of our most popular hot sauces, Matouk's West Indian Hot Sauce, accomplished quite a feat last month when it finished as our top selling product across all types. This is the mildest (on the heat scale) of the Matouk's hot sauces, and features sweet ripe papaya as its main ingredient, to help tone down the heat from the fiery scotch bonnet peppers used in all Matouk's hot sauces.
2. Our overall best selling Jamaican jerk product, Walkerswood Traditional Jamaican Jerk Seasoning, finished in 2nd place last month. This aromatic, spicy wet rub or jerk paste is a staple in Jamaican kitchens and is perfect for making authentic Jamaican dishes.
3. Matouk's Calypso Sauce, a thick and rich scotch bonnet sauce from Trinidad & Tobago, was the third most popular product for March, and is a great way to add tropical flavor and fire to virtually any savory dish.
4. George's Original BBQ Sauce is a tangy, vinegar-based barbecue sauce from eastern North Carolina that's ideal for Carolina pulled pork BBQ as well as for marinating -- and it comes with 2 pages of FREE recipes!
5. In a rare drop in position, our all-time best-selling product, Castle Sauce, fell to 5th place for March 2010 -- but don't be surprised if this classic steak & sandwich sauce from Greensboro NC ends up back on top again!
6. Scorned Woman Hot Sauce, a fiery-hot vinegar-based hot sauce that's been around forever, came in a very respectable 6th last month.
7. Jim's Own Homestyle BBQ Sauce is a Piedmont NC style (vinegar & tomatoes) barbeque sauce from Durham that's great with pulled pork as well as ribs, chicken, and more - and it comes with FREE recipes!
8. Another North Carolina original, Capsicana Zing Gourmet Sauce, is a flavorful, subtly-sweet & tastefully tangy all-purpose spice sauce for the table and the kitchen, and it also comes with FREE recipes!
9. Our all-time best-selling barbecue sauce is Wells Hog Heaven BBQ Sauce from Burgaw, NC. This traditional eastern NC sauce is made with vinegar and spices (no tomatoes) and makes a great marinade as well as a condiment for collard greens, fries and hush puppies -- and of course it's essential for making real NC pulled pork BBQ!
10. Completing our list of the top ten best-selling products for March 2010 is Buderim Ginger Bears, an Australian gummy bear candy made with real ginger.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
PS: We will soon be updating each category-specific list of Best-Selling Products to reflect the current standings for 2010.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The History & Culture of Grits
If you were born and raised in the South, you're probably quite familiar with grits. But if you're a transplanted Yankee like me, you may have wondered about the Southern fascination with grits, and what they are, and how they're made and eaten. Anyway, I did. So I asked one of my true Southern friends and she sent me the following article, which I've copied below:
***********************************************
Q: What are Grits?
A: Grits are a Southern thing, like boiled peanuts. However, the word is spreading fast. Some folks believe Grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets shaking the grit bushes after spreading sheets around them. This is not true. Other people feel that Grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. This is obviously a lie spread by Communists and terrorists since nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn.
Recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Some disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt and red eye gravy also raining down. God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
Q: How are Grits Formed?
A: Grits are created deep underground under intense heat and pressure and it takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina. They are protected day and night by armed guards and pit bulls. Mining the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many grit miners lose their lives each year so that we can have our Grits morning after morning for breakfast (having Grits for lunch and dinner as well is not unreasonable.)
*Synthetic Grits*
Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic form of Grits called Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, its key ingredients are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. Synthetic grits have been known to cause nausea and may leave you unable to have children.
*The History of Grits*
The first known mention of the Grits was by the ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert and then Grits were not heard of again for another 1000 years. Experts feel that during this time, because of its rarity, Grits were used only during secret religious ceremonies. The next mention of the Grits was found in the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in the personal diary of a woman named Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends).
*The 10 Commandments of Grits*
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy.
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red eye gravy on thy Grits
VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch
X. Thou shalt eat Grits on the Sabbath, for this is manna from heaven.
*How to Cook Grits*
For one serving of Grits, boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits and reduce to a simmer until the Grits soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck in to the Grits can stand up, it is done. That's all there is to cooking Grits.
*How to make red eye gravy*
In cast iron pan, fry some salt-cured country ham. Remove the ham when done and add coffee (yes, coffee) to the gravy. Let simmer and stir for several minutes.
*How to Eat Grits*
Immediately after removing your Grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of real butter or red eye gravy. The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits and add butter until the colors match.) Instead of butter, a generous helping of red eye gravy may be poured onto your Grits. Be sure to use enough so that some is left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, bad teeth and impotence. Next, add salt. (The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1 so that every 10 Grits should have 1 grain of salt). Always use a fork to eat Grits and they must be thick enough not to fall through the tines. The only beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. Never eat Grits from a bowl because Yankees will think that it's Cream of Wheat.
***********************************************
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
PS: If you know who originally wrote "The History & Culture of Grits", please drop me a note so that I can properly attribute authorship. Thanks!
Q: What are Grits?
A: Grits are a Southern thing, like boiled peanuts. However, the word is spreading fast. Some folks believe Grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets shaking the grit bushes after spreading sheets around them. This is not true. Other people feel that Grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. This is obviously a lie spread by Communists and terrorists since nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn.
Recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Some disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt and red eye gravy also raining down. God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
Q: How are Grits Formed?
A: Grits are created deep underground under intense heat and pressure and it takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina. They are protected day and night by armed guards and pit bulls. Mining the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many grit miners lose their lives each year so that we can have our Grits morning after morning for breakfast (having Grits for lunch and dinner as well is not unreasonable.)
*Synthetic Grits*
Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic form of Grits called Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, its key ingredients are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. Synthetic grits have been known to cause nausea and may leave you unable to have children.
*The History of Grits*
The first known mention of the Grits was by the ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert and then Grits were not heard of again for another 1000 years. Experts feel that during this time, because of its rarity, Grits were used only during secret religious ceremonies. The next mention of the Grits was found in the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in the personal diary of a woman named Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends).
*The 10 Commandments of Grits*
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy.
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red eye gravy on thy Grits
VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch
X. Thou shalt eat Grits on the Sabbath, for this is manna from heaven.
*How to Cook Grits*
For one serving of Grits, boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits and reduce to a simmer until the Grits soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck in to the Grits can stand up, it is done. That's all there is to cooking Grits.
*How to make red eye gravy*
In cast iron pan, fry some salt-cured country ham. Remove the ham when done and add coffee (yes, coffee) to the gravy. Let simmer and stir for several minutes.
*How to Eat Grits*
Immediately after removing your Grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of real butter or red eye gravy. The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits and add butter until the colors match.) Instead of butter, a generous helping of red eye gravy may be poured onto your Grits. Be sure to use enough so that some is left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they can cause cancer, bad teeth and impotence. Next, add salt. (The correct ratio of Grit to Salt is 10:1 so that every 10 Grits should have 1 grain of salt). Always use a fork to eat Grits and they must be thick enough not to fall through the tines. The only beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. Never eat Grits from a bowl because Yankees will think that it's Cream of Wheat.
Zestfully yours,
Gloria
PS: If you know who originally wrote "The History & Culture of Grits", please drop me a note so that I can properly attribute authorship. Thanks!
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