Friday, April 13, 2012

Top Ten Weirdest Bacon Products

Our partner Bacon Freak sells some mighty good bacon in a variety of styles and flavors. But they also offer some mighty strange bacon products, both edible and inedible (the latter sometimes unintentionally). Here's my list of the top ten weirdest bacon products, counting down to number one:

10. The Bacon Wallet: This wallet gives new meaning to the expression "bringing home the bacon." Put your money where your bacon is, in your hip pocket. This whimsical bacon wallet measures 4-1/4" x 3-3/4" (10.8 cm x 9.5 cm) and is made of faux leather (you didn't really think it was made from real bacon, did you???), and has plenty of pockets to hold your hard-earned cash, driver's license or ID, and plenty of plastic (credit or debit cards, club/discount cards, etc.). Get one for yourself, and send them as gifts to fellow bacon fanatics--Gift boxes available, too.

9. Bacon Scented Candle: Fill your kitchen--or any room--with the intoxicating aroma of bacon cooking on the stove, but without the splatter or the dirty frying pan, and it's fat-free, cholesterol-free and has zero calories, too! Enjoy your bacon without having to eat it when you burn this long-lasting (75+ hours) candle that's made in the USA. Every "man cave," game room, hunt camp and clubhouse needs one of these babies for "mood lighting." This bacon-scented candle makes a great gift for guys and anyone else who loves bacon but really shouldn't eat it every day.

8. Bacon People: Weirdly charming, each little "bacon person" is unique and eager to be your lifelong buddy and traveling companion on all your adventures. Bacon people make the best friends: they'll never let you down, nag you, spread nasty rumors, or spill the beans. They'll listen to your problems, let you watch what you want on TV, and accept you just the way you are. Lovingly handmade in the USA, bacon people are approximately 6 inches long by 2 inches wide with bendable arms and legs. Each bacon doll comes adorably packaged (it's perfect for gift giving!) with an artistic license and bacon birth certificate.You'll never be lonely again when you have a bacon buddy by your side!

7. Bacon Drink Tabs: These effervescent tablets add fizzy bacon flavor to water and any other liquid you drop them into. Bored by plain milk? Make bacon-flavored milk with these Bacon Drink Tabs! Want a bacon-flavored ice cream float? Yep, these tablets will help you concoct one.  How about a bacon-flavored iced coffee or iced latte? Sure! Let your imagination be your guide when you create all sorts of bizarre bacon-flavored drinks by adding Bacon Drink Tabs to water, juices, soda, iced tea or coffee, and any other liquid. Just imagine the pranks you could play on unsuspecting coworkers, family members, colleagues, roommates, frat brothers or sorority sisters, and anyone else taking an unsuspecting swig... Makes a great Christmas stocking stuffer or bachelor's party novelty, and gift box packaging is available, too.

6. Bacon Dental Floss: No more excuses for not flossing daily. Use this bacon-flavored dental floss and you'll happily floss every day (heck, more than once a day!), guaranteeing to impress your dentist at your next check-up. They say that bacon makes everything better, so why not dental floss? Enjoy the mouthwatering flavor of crispy, perfectly-fried bacon while taking good care of your pearly whites. Dental hygiene never tasted so good! Each 2-1/2" (6.4 cm) tall plastic dispenser contains 27.3 yards (25 m) of waxed bacon-flavored floss, and comes with an illustrated blistercard. Order bacon floss for every bacon-loving member of your family, and keep a dispenser in each bathroom, plus one in your travel bag, another in your purse (no more parsley between the teeth after lunch!), in your desk drawer at work, etc. Bacon dental floss makes a fun gift for your favorite dental hygienist, dentist or other dental office professional.

5. Bacon Frosting: No doubt you've already heard of chocolate-covered bacon and bacon cupcakes, right? So why not bacon frosting? This dark red bacon-flavored frosting is a bacon-loving cake decorator's or baker's dream come true. Keep a tube of Bacon Frosting on hand to finish off a dessert masterpiece, add a sweet smoky garnish to any dish, or indulge in a delicious squirt right onto your tongue (don't worry, no one's watching and we won't tell). Decorate any cake, cupcake, brownie, cookie, or even a bowl of ice cream with some bacon frosting for a sweet & savory treat. Squeeze it onto pancakes or waffles, or even into a bowl of oatmeal or other hot cereal, for bacony flavor at breakfast without having to clean a frying pan or the splatter of frying bacon. Rumor has it the astronauts have been asking for bacon in a tube for decades, but you can enjoy it at home! Each tube of bacon frosting is 5" tall by 2" wide and holds 2.1 oz (60g) of frosting.

4. Bacon Soda: Admittedly, this one pushes the limits of palatability. But if you've always wanted to have your bacon and drink it too, then bacon soda might be just what you need. Bubbly, a little bit sweet, and startingly bacony, this soda is either pure genius or utter madness--you decide. There have been other bacon-flavored sodas on the market, and they've been less-than-favorably received, but rumor has it that this particular brand from Bacon Freak is far superior (I confess I haven't tried any of them, so don't look to me for a personal review). Bacon soda is available in single bottles and also by the six-pack at a discount. If you decide to try it, please leave a comment on this blog to let us know if you like it, what it really tastes like, and anything else you'd like to say about bacon soda.

3. Mr. Bacon's Big Adventure Board Game: Yes, bacon is now a board game. What's next, bacon the video game? Or perhaps the interactive 3-D bacon adventure? Bacon Freak boasts that this is by far the most mouth-watering meat-centric board game ever created--and we can't dispute that claim, because we don't actually know of ANY other meat-centric board games. As you move your bacon character along the path through Meatland you'll have to navigate your way through areas like the Mustard Marsh, the Wiener Wasteland and the Sausage Sea. The first player to make it to the frying pan at the end of the trail wins the game! Mr. Bacon's Big Adventure Board Game comes with a gameboard with spinner, four game pieces with plastic stands, twenty-four game cards, and alternate rules that turn the game into "a gluttonous meat feast" (their words, not mine). The game comes in a 18-1/2" x 9-1/2" x 1-3/4" (47 cm x 24.1 cm x 4.4 cm) illustrated box and is shrink-wrapped. Perfect for the entire family, this old-fashioned board game will provide hours of wholesome fun for bacon-loving kids of all ages.

2. Bacon Perfume: According to an old saying, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If he loves bacon, then presumably he'll find you irresistible if you wear bacon perfume. And apparently some women find bacon-scented guys irresistible as well, because Fargginay's Bacon Classic Fragrance Spray is designed for use by both men and women (unisex perfumes and colognes are all the rage these days, so I guess this qualifies as a "cutting edge" fragrance).  The "Classic" bacon perfume is described as "a sophisticated spicy maple fragrance with just a hint of bacon, and the fun is in finding it. This artisanal Classic formula is lovingly crafted with the pure essential oil blend of bergamot, orange, lime, grapefruit, black pepper, cedar wood, vetiver, guaiacwood and two pinches of Bacon salty goodness." But wait, there's also another version, called Fargginay's Bacon Gold Fragrance Spray, which is also designed to be worn and enjoyed by both women and men. This one is described as "a memorable sizzling citrus aroma with an ever so slight hint of bacon, and the fun is in finding it. This artisanal Gold formula is lovingly crafted with a pure essential oil blend of mandarin, bergamot, grapefruit, lemon, nutmeg, pimento berry, black pepper & a touch of sweet, a smidgen of savory, and one pinch of Bacon salty goodness." If the scent of frying bacon makes you or your beloved swoon, or if you want to catch the eye (or nose?) of a bacon-loving hottie, choose one (or both!) of these bacon-scented perfumes to make an unforgettable impression.

1. The Porky Pooper: Frankly, I'm at a loss for words about this truly bizarre and not exactly appetizing bacon product. But then again, if folks will spend big bucks to drink coffee brewed from beans pooped out by a civet cat, then why not offer an inexpensive toy pig that poops out bacon-flavored jelly beans??? Described by Bacon Freak as "Oinking good fun," this little pink plastic pig trots out "tasty treats" when you flick his tail (I'm guessing it's a male pig...). The Porky Pooper is perfect for any bacon-lover with a twisted sense of humor, and makes an amusing holiday stocking stuffer or any-occasion gag gift.

Zestfully yours,


  1. WOW, bacon perfume. Cannot wait to snugle with my bacon scented wife!

  2. Nothing says "come hither" like the scent of bacon :-)